you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
