all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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