I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
love makes seman taste better
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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