i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
