i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
