At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
