Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize