I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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