My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
