guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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