wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
