I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
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