Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
