I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
