Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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