I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
