Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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