remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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