Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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