He is such a slut. More and more my type.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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