I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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