The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
