I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize