mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
