RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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