O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
