I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
