Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
