you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
