Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
