haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
