yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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