You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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