my sisters under your porch take her home
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
