My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize