The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
