I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
