took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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