dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
