i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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