Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I smell like Dick and happiness
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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