come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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