A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
