Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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