That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
