So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We left an ass print on the piano.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
