so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
