If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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