I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
