I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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