I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
did i walk over a car last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
