...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
