so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
