dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you had me at cake vodka
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
