why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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