i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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