it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize