I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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