Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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