I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
