So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
